It's said that your past does not define you. However, it plays a major role in who you choose to become. The choices is whether to remain stuck within the confines of your history OR use those experiences as the fuel to propel you towards a new you. No one wants to be insecure. No one wants to be told they're "too much" of anything or "not enough." For years, these words controlled me. Growing up, I had been neglected & verbally abused by peers and even some family. Life revolved around diets, victimization, and self-deprecation. As time passed, it had felt as though I was a walking punching bag for the world because I lived into the judgment & opinions of others. "You're hideous. You're too fat. You're not capable..." etc. Eventually, these comments became the inner dialogue I'd have with myself. Of course, when you allow yourself to be surrounded by negativity, your world becomes negative too.
My lowest was a few years back. I was already dealing with anxiety and depression, but now I was at risk of heart disease, diabetes, etc. (mostly due to obesity). It wasn't until I was in the hospital and my father called, crying, pleading what was I doing to myself & why I allowed myself to deteriorate. I hadn't realized how long I'd been playing the victim of misplaced integrity. There, I made the decision to transform my life & brought back the little girl who was filled with ambition & wanted to inspire her community. I took on various courses to learn about behavior, psychology, & consciousness. I meditated on becoming more positive and mindful each day. I grew patient, in recognition that some people may be negative towards others as a reflection of their own suffering. Rather than speak with resentment, I'd treat them with the love I needed when I was in my dark place. Compassion & understanding goes a long way. When you feel yourself in a negative shadow, I invite you to shift the spotlight towards a positive one - the silver lining - & you'll see how your world and the world around you becomes filled with the best of the best. Something I share with people going through rough patches: "sometimes things have to get worse to get better."
WHOM I USED TO BE
This weekend's experience still has me glowing from the inside out. It was an experience beyond words. Getting to know all of the dedicated women this weekend and shining in unison with them has allowed me to further embrace the power we each carry when we work together. We compliment each other. Though only one woman was to win the title of Miss New Jersey USA, we all won the experience of learning more about ourselves and redefined what it means to be a Miss beyond the walls of pageantry. Our future isn't written in stone, so we must persist towards one we can reflect on and proudly say "I worked hard for this," collecting these wonderful experiences throughout the journey. I want to thank absolutely everyone who I've met in this process leading up to this past weekend. I want to thank my supporters, my friends, and my family who know I did my very best and will continue to do so. The future seems so bright, and I smile at the thought of it. I cannot stop now.
MISS NEW JERSEY WEEKEND EXPERIENCE
